Parenting, Projection & the Power of self-Awareness

I remember a moment years ago when my youngest daughter, then in primary school, had to give a presentation to her class. As any “helpful” parent might, I began offering advice on how to stay calm and manage nerves.
She stopped me mid-sentence and said with complete confidence:

"𝘔𝘶𝘮, 𝘐’𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘐’𝘮 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵!"

That moment stayed with me. Two things became clear:

1️⃣ 𝗜 was the one who was anxious, not her. I was unknowingly projecting my own past discomfort with public speaking onto her.

2️⃣ I felt 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘧 knowing that I hadn’t passed on my fear to her. She was free to experience her own feelings, unburdened by mine.

It made me reflect on how often, as parents (or caregivers), we unintentionally project our fears, anxieties, or unmet dreams onto our children. Sometimes we push, sometimes we protect, not always from what they need, but from what 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯’𝘵 yet resolved.

I’m reminded of Khalil Gibran’s beautiful words:

“𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯.
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘓𝘪𝘧𝘦’𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘵𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶,
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶.”

This truth sits at the heart of both my personal journey raising children, and my professional work as a coach and counsellor.

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙥𝙚 - 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙨, 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙪𝙣𝙢𝙚𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨, 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙛𝙨 - 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙬𝙚 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙘𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙡𝙮 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙣 (𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙙, 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙧, 𝙤𝙧 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧).

Parenting and personal development are deeply intertwined. The more we grow, the more we empower our children, our mentees and clients to grow freely, as themselves.

If this resonates with you, whether as a parent, leader, or someone exploring your own patterns,  I’d love to connect. In my work, I support individuals and parents in breaking cycles, finding clarity, and leading with self-awareness.

Let’s start with 𝘺𝘰𝘶, not just the roles you play.

Let’s talk.